Almost Lover
by LoveDrunk22
Summary: Ever wonder what happened to Sebastian, you know the reason he was so... Sebastian? Well here's kind of what I think happened. It all started with one girl. Slightly AU..maybe a little more than slightly.


**I can't help it; I ship Sebtana. So this is what I came up with. When it comes to one shots, I love song-fics. I don't know why, but I do. Anyway basic summary: It's kinda AU. Sebastian and Santana have been friends since they were little and Sebastian has to grow up watching Santana loving Brittany. So he pretends to love Blaine, ahh! You'll see. (:**

* * *

_Your fingertips across my skin  
__The palm trees swaying in the wind  
__Images._

Since I was little, I've know I was in love with Santana Lopez. Something about her was always drawing me in, I always wanted more of her. It wasn't hard; we lived across the street from each other. I watched her as she grew up, and I could swear I was going to marry this girl some day. The way she always knew how to make me feel better when things were rough at home. I can still see it all. She was, correction, _is_ amazing.

_You sang me Spanish lullabies  
__The sweetest sad in your eyes  
__Clever trick._

The first time I ever heard her sing was when we were four. She was singing a song in a language I couldn't understand. Nonetheless it was beautiful. She had the most amazing voice in the world. This girl had me wrapped around her finger. If she asked me to jump I would ask "How high?" Why did I let this girl have so much control over me? I was so young and I was ready to sell my soul to be with her. I never thought she would just be leading me on.

_I never want to see you unhappy  
__I thought you'd want the same for me._

I always did what I thought would make her happy, and what I thought would make her mine. I was the shoulder to cry on, the one that was always there. One day she wasn't the same Santana I was used to. She had changed; I still have no idea why. Sometimes I think it's my fault. I asked her what was wrong almost everyday and almost everyday I was met with a new insult and told to fuck off. Couldn't she see how much this hurt me? Didn't she want me the way I wanted her? Didn't she love me too?

_Goodbye, my almost lover  
__Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
__I'm trying not to think about you  
__Can't you just let me be?  
__So long, my luckless romance  
__My back is turned on you  
__I should've known you'd bring me heartache  
__Almost lovers always do._

I found out something about the girl I loved. She was in love with a girl too. That made my world stop. It felt like the walls had come crashing in. She didn't love me, I didn't stand a chance. She was with the "love of her life" now. Maybe now was time to start saying goodbye to everything about her that made me want her more than I wanted life itself. From that day on, I acted like her, like I didn't care, like I had no heart. The having no heart part wasn't a lie, she ripped it out of my chest a long time ago.

_We walked along a crowded street  
__You took my hand and danced with me  
__Images._

I pretended I was in love with a boy named Blaine Anderson. I tried to make it look like I really wanted him, and for a while, I believed it myself. Then I almost blinded him and, he had to be friends with Santana, the world wouldn't let me get over this beauty. She came to confront me; I had to keep my act up even if I wanted nothing but to take her in my arms. I would have done it if there weren't the cellist in the same room. I thought she wanted me to do it too. Maybe I should stop thinking; I always get hurt when I do. Because she didn't she didn't want me; why could I get this in my head?

_And when you left you kissed my lips  
__You told me you would never ever forget those images, no._

I watched her walk away that day. I wanted so bad just to kiss her lips. I wanted to tell her everything about how I felt and, I didn't. The next day I called her, the first time in years. I asked her if she missed me, our friendship, what we had. She told me she would never forget me. After all the things I've felt for her, after all the pain I had gone through because of her, all I get is an "I will never forget you." How is that even fair?

_I never want to see you unhappy  
__I thought you'd want the same for me._

Why did I still want to make her happy? She had brought me almost nothing but misery. Or maybe I just wanted her to be happy, even if it meant it had to be without me. In a way, I was kind of happy for having known Blaine. He gave me an excuse to see Santana. But I always thought she would see me for who I was, and that I loved her more than anything. I was wrong, she never did. Or maybe she was falling for me the same way that I had fallen for her, before she died.

_Goodbye, my almost lover  
__Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
__I'm trying not to think about you  
__Can't you just let me be?  
__So long, my luckless romance  
__My back is turned on you  
__I should've known you'd bring me heartache  
__Almost lovers always do._

Every day I'm haunted by what could have been. I'm haunted with the ghost of this beautiful girl that could have been mine. It isn't fair, if she was with me, she would have never died, she would have never been in that car. Who knows what she, us, might have been doing, but she wouldn't be in that car. She wouldn't have been hit by that drunk driver, none of this would have happened. I was so close to having her be mine, then she was just taken right out of my world, she was ripped away from me, the way she has been many times before, only this time forever.

_I cannot go to the ocean  
__I cannot drive the streets at night  
__I cannot wake up in the morning  
__Without you on my mind  
__So you're gone and I'm haunted  
__And I bet that you're just fine  
__Did I make it that easy  
__To walk right out of my life?_

I can't look at her old house without all the memories I've ever had of her coming back to me all at once. I can't drive down the street where her life was taken without wanting to know what went wrong, and why someone up there had it out for me. Every time I see someone that looks like her, or acts like her, or sounds like her, or does something she would have done, I come close to losing it all right there. I guess I was always the one that was more into the other than she was. If it was the other way around, or if she cared for me as much as I cared for her, she would still be here, she would have never left me when she did, or the way she did.

_Goodbye, my almost lover  
__Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
__I'm trying not to think about you  
__Can't you just let me be?  
__So long, my luckless romance  
__My back is turned on you  
__I should've known you'd bring me heartache  
__Almost lovers always do._

Now it's time to say goodbye, I have to move on with my life, even if it means I have to do it without her. I spent so much of my time stuck on her, I missed my life. But I don't think I could ever say goodbye to Santana.

* * *

**I don't know where that whole "Santana got into a car crash" thing came from, but it works right? Anyway, it's kind of a back story to why Sebastian is the way he is. I hope you liked it. **


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